Settling. Not down. I take no issue with down. Those that know me well know that I’ve had no issue with it for as long as I can remember. My issue is the seemingly inherent (and unavoidable) conflict between compromise and settlement, between idealistic desire and attainable reality.

I get it, I’m still young. I have yet to completely figure myself out, nevermind anyone else. But in that same sense I feel that I have a pretty coherent understanding of who it is I am, as well as who it is I seek. Sure, I’ve been spoiled by my past - I understand that. But that same spoiling yielded yet another slice (or addition) to the mold that I hope to one day (soon) fill. It just comes down to the fact that I’m not sure anyone fits. And more importantly, I’m not sure anyone will.

It was different for those before me. I know it must have been just as difficult in decision, but was it not simpler in simply the idea that there was, in all senses, one less hoop to jump through? I believe it was. The options must have been severely limited by proximity, availability, even kin - but how is this not the very best example of less being, well, more? One less hoop is clearly not the answer - but it sure did help.

But as day becomes week, and week, month, these seemingly attractive portrayals of uninstigated meetings, of unintentional crossings, of unexpected finds, seem all the more unreal, and hence unrealistic. They meet, they click, they work. But how true-to-life, how believable, and most importantly, how probable really is that?

Well let’s start with true-to-life. For the vast majority of the population, its more than true - its the way it seems to work. But what if a percentage of the population was all of a sudden eliminated from consideration? Not just any percentage, one of significant proportion. Does it still work? Sure. Alright, let’s remove a second percentage of the population that remains, removing just as much if not more than before. Does it still work? Probably not.

So that shoots a hefty bullet through believability, does it not? Luckily for now it doesn’t, but what I fear most is the day that it does. And the reason for such pessimism is the very idea of probability. How hard is it, even for those brilliant and truly amazing people around me, to find any pertinent sort of compatibility? Its staggering. And despite (or in spite of) their quirks and intricacies, they are highly appealing people. Its incredibly difficult for them, and yet they do not suffer from the same tunnel vision affliction that I can’t quite escape (I don’t even want to). For them compatibility appears sufficient. That’s hard enough as it is. But two additinal hoops?

Sorkinistic simplicity, yet again, rings true: “It should be hard. I like that it’s hard.” Anything short of difficult would lack the kind of unadulterated appreciation that is so vital here. But often the halcyon days of the past, those days that have engrained their almost touchable details upon my memory, highlight a period of the most appealingly pliant bliss. Those days are gone, and young or not, the time has come for self-realization to mean more than someone understanding himself. These are the days of today - some up, some down, but ever-forward. The only question is - who’s coming with me?